apdayted

1. need to find another job. it's great when ur paid to do nothing, just lepaking around. but there's no sense of pride in it la. i need to be.. felt important. needed. making decision. i'm not saying dat i oppose a relax job. but if it is too relaxing, i'd be more and more and more lazy then. if laziness is not considered as a 'sifat-mazmumah' in Islam then it'd be juussstt fine. unfortunately it is.
   
2. still blur in charting my life. clueless of wat to do. i could plan and give advise for others, but for myself..erk. i'm not sure what i want. not sure what i like/love to do. not even sure what am i good at. perhaps i shud go back to penang je? force myself to do 'sunat taubat, sunat istikharah & sunat witir' every night before i go to sleep. really hope Allah wud shun me some light. leading to the right path. making the right choices.
   
3. short of money. no more credit to sms. waiting for last month's salary. shud be out this week. bad in managing my account. house rent. parent. siblings.roadtax. seminar. business.
   
4. need to practise for the gath. erk, haven't paid the gath yet. it's a true honor to be trusted by the MT. it's not going to be easy. but i'Allah i'll do my best. my existency in geju is unplanned. tailing my ro-wau-met. yet received unexpected welcome and acceptence. feel honoured. feel important. feel like i'm somebody. really hope dat i won't be 'riak dan takbburrr'. but still not dat motivated to give out 100% of commitment to it. afraid dat i wud ditch out the group just like dat kot. i know dat i'm capable of doing such thing..and i felt really bad about it. so bad dat leads me into hiding...
   
5. had enuff of TGV. kong is the last...for now. my pick: 1st harry potter, 2nd kong and 3rd narnia. 4th wud be zathura. well dats the recent one. hv been accompanying this hsmate of mine who is a movie-goers. like a gay couple pun ada..ahaha. nahhh...we're not into watching movie with a special girlfriend. he's had enuff experience of it, and not looking for any more hassle. me on the other hand wud only take out my wife to the movie. not even a fiancee wud do. i'm not saying dat i never go out with a lady-friend to muvi before. i'd like to go out on a date to the movie. gives me a special feeling. but dats the past. now no more. not anymore. perhaps not even a dinner date. huhu...unless she brings along her friend at least to keep us accompany.
   
6. no words from her since her presence in kl..suit urself lah.maleh dah aku. 3 years already. on and off. on and off. not even sure wat kind of relationship this is. don't want to blame you. but just can't help it sometimes...of the way ur reacting. u put it there 'in a relationship' but ur still flirting with me. hope dat u found urself a good borneo-man and get married asap. then i'd be able to let u go ..kot
   
7. parent going to perform their Haj. alhamdulillah. good for them. 3-years of attending the weekly courses. hope dat Allah granted them a 'mabrur-haj'. pray for a safe journey to & fro. hope their prayers wud be granted. coming back as a new person. a true mu'min. not just a muslim. hope dat things in house will change for the better after this. but wat if Allah decides they won't be coming back after this? hurm...
   
8. more responsibility carried: Along and his wife, Pit, Pat, Qah & Meme. been delaying & wondering of how to convey it to Along. i hold the responsibility as a muslim & as a brother to share it with him. but how ah? i'm worried if i fail to do so before either of us being called back. Pit..how can I help u ek...sometimes i do pity of the fate u had..but both of us know dat this is His qada' and qadar. ur a good boy Pit..a great son indeed. and u hv always been the best brother ever. Pat, though we share a scratch history back then, i do and always love u bro. but u just hv to wake up, be matured. ur almost 21 now man..not a kid anymore. n if u feel dat ur the pain-in-the-ass in the family..then u need to do samtin about it, rather than just blaming everybody..Qah, my only sister...i'Allah i'll find u the right sister-in-law for u to share ur story, ur sad & joy and secrets. i'm as a man won't be able to understand everything dat ur going thru as a woman...but if u let me, i'Allah id listen to it. Najmi aka Meme...keep up the good score. grow up a as a great boy. make us proud. make u urself proud...
   
9. thinking of enrolling myself for a Diploma in Syariah. every 1st and 3rd Saturday. Darul-Fuqaha' Sg. Ramal Dalam, Bangi. fees don't know yet. not sure when it is started. inspired by nuaron. almost completed his Dip in Syariah (fiqh)..secretly. got himself a fine muslimah - aussie scholars recently. congrats bro for ur wedding. my reason: to equipd myself as i need to lead my own family later on

sigh...continue later...